Black Hole

The sky, even as a child, it fascinates me. I dreamed of becoming an astronomer so I could study the sky and everything in it. I used to spend time watching the stars and moon. In day, the forming clouds and even if it hurts the eyes, the sun. I learned an area of the sky and learned it intimately until it becomes a cornerstone of my private map. The area of my sky is not a complete picture but a tantalizing one. It invites guesswork, fancies and theories.

Just like my life.

It occurred to me that the sky is parallel to life. A phenomenon in the sky is a phenomenon of life.

I have known my galaxy and now it was different. It had been altered. The changes distorted the surrounding sky.

It happened when our eyes met for seconds. It was longer than uninterested look but shorter than a cruel stare. I cannot resist admitting that he was the force that rearranged my galaxy.

Usually, I went away from the room and back again and nothing was different. Now it was something elset. It was as though each molecule in my body has been changed from solid state to gaseous one. I am still me, still composed of same molecules but suddenly they were highly charged, their emotions frantic and their paths random.

Am I in love?

The thought was an uncomfortable one, disturbing yet so beautiful.

The symptoms were obvious: lapses in concentration, loss of appetite, an apathetic response to any intellectual activity, an enthusiasm for previously tedious chores like a simple washing of plates; fantasies, fatigues which miraculously vanished when he walked into the room.

When he smiled, I become self-luminous. Much more when he started a conversation, I feel like a Nova, a star that suddenly brightens by a factor 10,000 or more. With him around me, my increase in brightness occurred for a few days and the bright phase lasted for weeks and I prayed it will never end.

The spiritual beings like men in kind though vastly superior in powers were maybe too busy creating a new world for they didn’t hear me pray. Like a comet blazing brightly in an evening sky, the idea of him being in love with me too, was gone too soon.

I thought we were one universe that could shake the stars and move the heavens. I was wrong. He has his own galaxy. I am not part of it.

Slowly, I was surrounded by silence and darkness. As the sky darkened, my earth become still. A big black disc was gliding slowly across the sun and like a big fish, it was gradually swallowing the sun. The darkness all around was absolute. It was not really night. The world was still and silent and dark and cold. Despair settled in me like thick dew.

I fell in love and fall out of love and love is a black hole. A region in space which nothing, not even one can escape. It creates yawning chasm in the fabric of space time, warping everyone.

After my eclipse, when my earth breathes again, I was still all in darkness, without form beyond reason, like sleep.

The Big Veda asked “Who can speak the origins of love and life? Did he who controls this world make it?”

From this arose the all-creating god. Forming me again, shaping my galaxy until another force greater than the first comes to distort my surrounding space again and again…