Gustong maging manhid
Saturday, June 23, 2007Things messed up.
There was never a good reason why things messed up, it just did! This was not an unfortunate event. People choose to do it.
Even though people were presented with cornucopia of choices and could still choose only one – only one – it was remarkable how one would pick that messed up things.
I recognized that when people start f**king up things, they f**ck me too. No matter how clever little business I had built in my life, I have to master the pain of gripping for fear that I might fall. It isn’t good luck that makes life works. It is all hard graft and vision but a bad reaction to stimulus – let us call it – bad luck – could mess things up.
I knew that no matter how clever I am, how hard I work; bad luck could confuse me up.
I blamed it all to the phenomenon called interconnectivity. We are all interconnected. The S-R Theory. It is a non-stop stimulus-response cycle. The stimulus that stimulates my reaction is the reaction of other people’s reaction which is stimulated by other people’s stimulus. Or vice-versa. Or whatever.
It always comes full circle, now it makes me nauseous. I want to step out in the cycle, in the redundancy of things. I want to watch people f**cking up other people who mess up other people and let them hear me laugh out loud.
I want out for a whole time – if I can’t break the cycle.
But how?
The question is hard to bear because I know I have been bottled up in the sequence. I have to live with that. I am bottled up, no escape. No end to this conflict.
Someone says I should do what I think is right. And I say there’s no such thing as the right thing. No matter how I exert effort to do what is best for me, things would simply clutter for me.
Last resort. I have to anesthetize myself. Kaya nga gusto ko maging manhid.
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Ayoko. ‘La na ‘kong maisusulat nyan.
Posted by adelead at October 25, 2007, 10:19 pm